God: Merry prankster

I trimmed my beard and cut my hair this afternoon. I do this roughly every seven or so days with a lovely Norelco device provided to me by my uncle via the Christmas gift-giving season.

One thing that never fails to amaze me -- and I am talking true, flat-out bewilderment and wonder -- is how much my beard grows each week. The clippings pile up. Even more captivating is the amount of clippings that come from my head each time and the rapidity with which these hairs grow from my scalp. Why is this all so interesting? Because I have a bad case of the balding, and while it is not terminal (I shall live, I am told), it is completely disheartening to know that by this time next week, I will look sloppy and overgrown once more -- except of course, where it no longer grows. I'm serious; this is a lot of hair I am removing from an otherwise shiny head. For a small price, I would be willing to send you the clippings as proof. I assure you that each clipping would be consistent with its siblings in both color and length.

Although I am not sure exactly what I did to warrant this weekly dose of irony, I've clearly angered someone/something. It's safe to assume that in the last life I was a cow tipper.