I want to hit Steven Spielberg with a stick.

First, square across the gut. Then, when he doubles-over in pain, right across the back of his neck. And finally, as he is swaying, nearly falling to the ground, I'd sweep his legs out from behind him in a move that Donatello of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would be proud of.

Why this penchant for violence toward America's most popular director? Well, besides a string of downright terrible movies, he is exploiting my new neighborhood.

A large film shoot has taken over my entire block, as well as part of the street parallel mine, along with both of the busier cross-streets. They've moved residents, brought unnecessary noise and equipment, forced us to travel elsewhere and to park cars outside of our area. All with no reason or reimbursement aside from a snide letter duct-taped to a few trees that didn't even provide the correct movie title or production company name. While I am quite sure that changing the name is an act of vanity, it is probably best for Spielberg's mailbox and the reputation of the movie, Munich.

Apparently, it's some story related to the 1972 Munich Olympics, which certainly lends itself to some interesting plotlines. The film nerd websites (http://www.dreamworksfansite.com/munich/fullstory.php?id=2982) (many of which regard Spielberg as one of the greatest filmmakers ever) say that Fort Greene residents are simply complaining and that this movie is bound to be great. Indeed, some sources are even saying that it will be a 2006 Oscar contender, even though it is still in production. Well, if it is half as good as War of the Worlds, another plot that had incredible potential and was ruined by the greatest filmmaker ever, I'd like to skip the step of handing my money over to Spielberg via a middle man cinema and instead, walk to the end of the block and shove a ten-spot up his ass.

Each morning this week, they send some smiley, pimply-faced college intern to herd the residents to walk just so. However, aside from him or her, no one else on the crew even feigns interest or respect for the neighborhood. My personal favorite so far, besides gunning the loud, V8 engines of the 35 year-old cars on the street at 7am, was yesterday, during the daily herding, when we were asked to cut through the park on the western side of the street, forcing us away from the main intersection, and, in effect, the bus stop, coffee shop, and other local businesses. After re-directing us, we land on the sidewalk of the street parallel mine, on which the crew had the foresight to set up the breakfast spread; an insurmountable mountain of bagels, fresh fruit, hot foods, coffee and juice. The crew hugged the table and took over the sidewalk (the same one that we had been asked to vacate to) and looked at the residents snidely as we dared to squeeze by them. It was especially pitiful to see some of the poorer children walk by the table slowly, with sad eyes as big as globes, and to see the crewmembers do nothing but look the other way.

In the grand scheme of things, no, this isn't a huge deal and sure, it will be cool to see my street on film. However, causing hundreds of residents to find other parking on already overcrowded streets and to simply dominate a neighborhood like its there for no other reason that this production company's shots, is simply wrong. And hence, I am going to find a good stick.