The customer is king... The customer is king...

I write copy for a pretty major client that has passed down a ruling barring the use of sentence fragments -- even as an intentional literary device -- and has also requested that I refrain from using contractions.

Contractions? I did not realize that this client conducted its business in the 19th Century calling everyone Mr. or Mrs. So and So, raising their pinky finger during the required tea times and forcing the men to wear knickers with argyle socks pulled high.

The best part about these formal requirements is that unlike my last job, where the writing was designed for engineers, scientists and intellectual property attorneys, the text here is generally aimed at an audience that reads at or below a sixth-grade level.